Robot Mom

Sometimes I feel like I default to robot mom. Usually its when we are running around like recently over the holidays, busy visiting relatives and traveling. Sometimes I’m stressed out about my mother, who has developed some sort of dementia on top of being legally blind and deaf and the ideas of nursing homes are being tossed around. Personal worries or conflicts that are distracting me from being present. I hate myself when I’m like this. I catch myself rushing so much I make mistakes and take longer, I spill things, I forget things, I stress the kids out so they immediately slow down. I catch myself barking orders to my kids, without any kindness in my voice, without consideration for their feelings, treating them like robots as well. I find myself going through the motions just to complete tasks, not really smiling or engaging, or being aware of the moment. I don’t do this all the time, but when I’m stressed I catch myself and I have to remind myself to stop. Just STOP. I decide Idgaf if I’m late to school, the doctor, or to the imaginary timeline for the day that I made up in my head. I slow down, try to laugh, put my kids favorite song on in the car (Night Begins to Shine – Teen Titans – yes we own it) I try to remind myself of my purpose, why I stay home, why I enjoy this life, and why nothing makes me happier than being a constant presence in my children’s lives. I remind myself some people would dream of being able to stay home or even have a comfortable life with money for toys, running water, safety, food, love. I try to take a step back and remember perspective. I try to appreciate everything because life is so fickle it could all change in a heartbeat. Maybe its some sort of defense mechanism against stress to make sure I still complete all my motherly tasks and responsibilities… feed children, wash children… I mean it always gets done. I hope some of you can relate I’m sure its not just me. I’m sure you are a good mom too we are human not perfect. Peace.