As I settle into my thirties I look back and cringe at my twenties. I really feel like for many of us, much of our twenties were just an extension of our teenage years; awkward, embarrassing, and full of moments where I wasn’t true to myself and I did or said things to fit in. Nevertheless we all learn and grow. When the air around you feels stagnant, its time to move on. Clean up the relationships that drag you down. Here’s some typical ‘bad friends’ we all run into time and again.
The Hater – This is the friend who makes fun of anyone who succeeds at anything. Like high school in the 1990’s, trying is for losers! They’re quick to discount anything you’re proud of because they’re too scared to take risks in their own life. This friend is more comfortable on the sidelines blending in and criticizing anyone that puts themselves out there.
The Topper – This friend lets you think you’re part of their hilarious mishaps but you are just a jumping point for their platform. They usually respond to anything you say with a blank stare because they are too stumped to think of a better story. They like to interrupt and talk over you.
The Sheep – This is the friend you take under your wing, thinking they’re shy or just awkward. You think you’re close and then a new friend comes along that is louder and bossier and Poof! she disappears. Boring.
The Jealous One – This friend is different from the hater because she has compulsive comparison issues. Her life is constantly in the context of yours. She could easily get single white female on you if you’re not careful.
The Exaggerator – This friend likes to go over the top on how close you are, to the point where it sometimes seems strangely uncomfortable. They tell tall tales on how long you’ve known each other, buy your kids excessive amounts of junky toys, and try to slip in some uncomfortable fact from your past to project some type of authority. They are usually no where to be found when you need them.
The Shock Value-er – The shock valuer hasn’t matured past the teenager/twenties stage. They make vulgar jokes but its not exciting to anyone, it’s weird or racist. More times than not they look like they’re trying a little too hard, and repeating the punchline one too many times, because no one is laughing, everyone is uncomfortable, and we’re adults with children now.
The Soap Opera Star – This one always has drama. Like crazy drama. Either its a shitty bf/gf they can’t quit, jobs they can’t keep, family drama, health drama, drama with random clerks in stores. Everything is a code red emergency. They call you when the flames are burning crying for help, then they make up with the bf/gf, get a different job, backtrack the drama, and is never to be heard from until the next eruption. They don’t respond to your texts once the dust has settled, and they definitely don’t care about your problems. They’re in recovery mode now which means you’re no longer needed.
The Childhood Friend – This is a friend you made because maybe you were both outcasts, maybe you were both popular, or maybe their parents had beer in their basement and they knew where to get weed . You’ve both grown up and grown apart and you have zero in common. Your lives don’t line up and neither do your values. There’s nothing left except a bad habit.
The Elitist – They think your lifestyle is quaint and often give you advice on how to improve it, usually with brand names and upgrades. They’re careful about their suggestions because they don’t really think you can afford it. They don’t take off their coat or shoes when they enter your house so they’re always ready to leave. They definitely don’t sit on your ugly furniture either.
The Substance Abuser – Maybe they have kids now, maybe they don’t, but they definitely didn’t stop partying. They’re still trying to prove how cool they are or they really have a drug problem. Either way you know their weird jokes about pills are all true stories and you occasionally notice some things missing after they leave.
Maybe you know someone who fits into one these categories, maybe you know someone who fits into a couple of these categories, or maybe you fit into some of these categories. Either way it time to clean out your relationship closet. Less is more. Quality over quantity.
Closing the door is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself. Ending these friendships not only opens up opportunities to bond with new people, it frees up time to really explore the kind of influences you want in your life. People who share your values and are positive and uplifting. Hope you had a laugh!