BC and the decision to stop having children

 

 

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Making the decision to stop having children is liberating and also final. It’s not something I really thought about until my MS diagnosis. I hated being pregnant. I never like the idea of sharing my body. I love my children but I also love personal space. My favorite moment after giving birth is taking that first shower by yourself. While in the newborn stage though, I had this crazy desire for more babies. It was like, well I’m already not sleeping, whats the difference? “Just another potato in the pot” as my mother would say. The more sleep I get the less I want to go back to the period of my life. I have also fantasized about having my own Kardashian legacy, a bunch of beautiful daughters I could call my own. I am the oldest of 6, 4 of us are girls. I love all my sisters but we don’t always get along, at least not at the same time. My husband has joked these are not good odds. I have been blessed with two beautiful children, a boy and a girl, so I do feel fulfilled in that sense. But I am young, almost 33, so part of me feels weird prematurely ending this prime child-rearing stage of my life.

In the same week I have made an appointment for Mirena, I also made an appointment for my first dose of Ocrevus. The Ocrevus seems very final also. I am nervous about such a big behemoth of a medication. A medication that you only need to take twice a year, each infusion taking 5 hours and totaling $65,000 annually. With my insurance and the copay program they offer I will only pay a remainder of $3,000 which is incredible. I have read many successful outcomes in patients who have taken Ocrevus and I’m confident that out of all the medications that are available; pills, injections, and other infusions, Ocrevus is the latest and greatest. My first dose will be broken up into 2 visits and it is required to stay and be monitored for an hour afterwards.

I have been on a heavy medication before. At age 23 I went on Interferon and Ribavarin for a year to successfully get rid of Hepatits C. I was working and going to school at the time. I had good days and bad days. I had to inject the Interferon on a weekly basis myself at home and take Ribavarin pills daily. This was 10 years ago so it was not as kind to me as I hear the medication is now. My hair fell out, I was tired and weak and very emotional. I have not heard that Ocrevus has similar side effects, only itching and and mild allergic reactions to the infusion site.

I am excited and sad that certain periods of my life may be coming to an end as I enter yet another phase. I have been through a lot and survived so I am not necessarily scared or worried, I am just nervous about the unknown. The side effects from Ocrevus during pregnancy are not known so I don’t want to take any risks. I have been on Mirena before and it is not final. It can be removed at any time and doesn’t affect your chances of getting pregnant in the future. But I do feel a little more in control of my situation by preventing any pregnancy surprises. Taking control of the things that I can helps me to feel a little more reassured about the future unknowns. It also helps me to focus on the present and enjoy what is in front of me instead of wondering if and when everything will change. I am excited to enter this next phase of my life with kids not babies and the new adventures that come along with this different type of freedom.

 

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